There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
