she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
