ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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