I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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