Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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