I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she smelled like a LAN party
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
