I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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