i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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