I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
