masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
