dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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