so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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