I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
