Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
