sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
