the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
