You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
