you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sobbing to NWA
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
