there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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