I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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