people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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