I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
whose ass print is on the piano?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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