evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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