so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
