We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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