I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
