i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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