Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
