i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
