i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I look better un-naked...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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