I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
