He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
