Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
