She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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