What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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