I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
