Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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