I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
