So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
now i know why i became what i already was.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
