kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
