I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
