bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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