hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
