did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
