Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
