i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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