We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was like eating out sand paper
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
