this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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