I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious