I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
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Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina