Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait