and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle