You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic