i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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