Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
