And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
