PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
