Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sober January is a disaster.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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