woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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