Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
