You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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