When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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