I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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