well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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