Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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