Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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