i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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