theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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