I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I party with great urgency now.
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