It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
