I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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