it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
