I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
