tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
